Total vent post completely unrelated to anything I typically blog about:

10 07 2009

Next weekend I am in a wedding for a friend that I have known for only about 3 years. I wouldn’t call us close by any means and I was surprised (and honored) to be asked to be in her wedding. It is turning out to be a complete nightmare!!

This is her second wedding in three years, which is only important because it is the only reason I can point to for her complete ambivalence toward planning this second one. Her wedding is 2.5 hours away in the small town she grew up in (which also happens to be in the same town my grandma just bought a cabin in!!).

We had three days notice for her bridal shower, which I did not attend due to a previous engagement (duh, give me more than three days!).

Two weeks ago (three weeks before the wedding), I called her (for the fifth time) to ask about which dresses we were going to wear in the wedding(hello? It is three weeks away!!). I got, “Oh, yeah! Can you go shopping with me right now?” Ummm… no. How about you do that with your maid of honor? Two days later, I got a text saying that she just wants all of us to just go buy a dress in her color to wear in the wedding, and all of us will be different. Ok, so I acknowledge my severe need for control and order, but this is my worst nightmare. I’ve done my best to let it go, thankful that I can at least get a dress I will wear again.

On Wednesday(10 days before the wedding), I called her to ask if they were going to have a rehearsal (since it just occurred to me that there should be one and I hadn’t heard anything). She forgot to tell me (and the other girls) that it is at the place they are getting married (2.5 hours away) at 3pm the day before the wedding (a Friday). So, obviously I need to take the day off. Thanks for the 9 days notice. She then tells me that this Saturday is her bach.elorette party and since I didn’t attend her shower, she really wants me to be there. Ok, I totally respect that, even though I have zero desire to go watch a bunch of girls drink themselves silly instead of hanging out with my daughter- but again, thanks for the notice. Oh, but the bachelorette party starts at 11am at the pool… and goes until 2am the next morning when the bars close. Ummm… can I get a no thank you? So, I agreed to be there from 5-9 for the lin.gerie shower and dinner. She then asked me if I knew anyone that had four 8-foot banquet tables she could borrow. Seriously?

Today, I get a text with a photo of a shoe, saying that these are the ones she wants us all to wear. I literally almost lost it!! You don’t care if our dresses match, but our shoes need to match (to the tune of $70!!!)???? To top it off, the designer she chose doesn’t make shoes in my size (proudly a size 11!!). So I got an “it’s ok, just find a shoe close to that.” Ummm… no!! Do you know how hard it is to find shoes in my size? Well, not to hard if I just order them online, which I often do, but I would need more than 6 days notice and I am NOT spending the only day I have with my family looking for shoes that aren’t going to match everyone else’s. I will wear something from my closet thankyouverymuch!!

I am extremely irritated by the lack of communication. I probably haven’t been the best of bridesmaids up to this point because the last three months have been pretty hectic, but mostly it is because I have had to ASK about almost every detail (which since it isn’t my wedding, hasn’t been in a timely manner). I am immensely irritated, but I also feel really guilty about it because it is supposed to be her special day and at this point, I am not really that interested in the whole matter.

Grrr….

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13 responses

10 07 2009
Tracey

I've been married twice too…but I AM NOT SURPRISED THIS IS HER SECOND….and probably not her last! Ugghh! Have fun a the bachelorette party! Let us know how it goes.

10 07 2009
KT

Yes….Grrr!

10 07 2009
RB

What a nightmare! For shoes, try zappos.com. They have free shipping and will send it to you overnight.

10 07 2009
Kel

Oh good grief.Sounds like she doesn't care, and her maid of honor isn't doing her job either.What a mess. Sorry you're having to deal with this instead of hanging out with the pretty little girl!Big hugs your way!

11 07 2009
michelle

yuck…..wedding horror…it never ends….i hopefully will never ever be a bridesmaid again….good luck!i feel your pain!m

11 07 2009
birthmothertalks

That all really stinks. I have pretty big feet too. When I need shoes I get to choose between what maybe two or three. It's not fair!! 🙂

11 07 2009
Joy

No, you're totally in the right. She should have hired a coordinator or assigned a friend to do the coordinating for her if she is THAT inept. My SIL recently did a vow renewal and it was so hectic and all over the place. We didn't know things until last minute, too. So frustrating for my anal retentiveness!

11 07 2009
M/J Granata

Absolutely nuts!!! How does she function in life with that degree of organization… or lack thereof? Maybe I am just crazy, but that is really unacceptable! I would be just as frustrated as you, especially now that your schedule is tight, and you have limited time with hubbs and baby girl!!!! Wow! Your feet are big! I measure a 5 or 5.5!!!! :O The problem I have is that my feet are so wide, they don't fit into most ladies shoes. I have to special order shoes or buy an extra wide width shoe (which most places don't carry because a woman's foot is supposed to be skinny, narrow, and pretty with a high arch and polished toes)!!!! Well, mine are wide, ugly, fat, short, flat, and lack any and every sort of luster or polish!Good luck with the shoes, the dress, and with making it through the girly party!!!!:) Julie

13 07 2009
Melba

I had a similar experience with a friend from school a few years ago. We weren't that close at all, and when she asked me to be in her wedding I was surprised, but I figured…why not, it's only one day of my life and it will make her happy. But it's definitely NOT only one day of your life to be in someone's wedding! And it sounds like you are dealing with FAR more logistical nightmares than I ever did. It's just annoying. You are more than happy to do these things for your closest friends and family because it's just what you do, but when it's not the right level of friendship, it's easy to begin feeling put out, which can quickly escalate. I'll be glad for you when this is all over…hang in there!Hugs,Melba

13 07 2009
I Believe in Miracles

Ugh. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, but then the bride was changing the date and I never got a final confirmation. I never heard anything else. A month before the wedding I emailed her and said I couldn't be in the wedding. From another friend who did end up being a bridemaid, it sounds like this one — they were sewing the bridesmaid dresses into the morning of the wedding, wrapping things, utter chaos. I was glad I got out! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!! Ugh. Especially for someone who is as organized as you are!!

15 07 2009
Dee..

You should cook up a story and not go! I hope that she's not taking you for granted. Good on you for not spending any money to please her. Let us know how it goes.

15 07 2009
Simply Complex

heh.At least there is a bright side: The wedding will be over very soon!

28 07 2009
Yaya

Ick, this would frustrate me beyond belief. I would be all 'cough cough I'm sick, sorry can't make it'

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