What a difference a year makes…

15 12 2009

Exactly one year ago today, I hit rock bottom. Rock Bottom. If you have been following me a long time, you will remember that was the day that, following a string of pregnancy announcements, I found out my little sister was pregnant. I will never forget that feeling. The following weeks I was at the lowest of lows, questioning God, questioning life and having nowhere to turn. I thought things had changed forever. I thought I would never be the same, my relationship with my sister would never be the same. I was in such pain that I couldn’t imagine ever getting past it.

Today, as I read the words I wrote, it brought tears to my eyes. Not because I am ashamed (although I am not proud of those feelings/thoughts), but because of where I am now, where my sister and I are now. Dealing with my sister’s pregnancy was hands down the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. She was the closest person to me and the most ill equipped person I know to have a child… and I was waiting on pins and needles for all my dreams to come true. But I grew. Not just once Riley came, I grew and I healed before she came home with us (although she certainly was the scab that sealed off that wound!). I worked hard to get past my issues with her pregnancy and with pregnancies in general.

I am so thankful that my sister was so understanding of my feelings during this time. I am so thankful that (most of) my family was understanding and supportive during this time. I am so thankful for the relationship that I have with my sister… pretty much exactly the same as it was 366 days ago!

It is strange, my sister and I are 7 years apart and never once even thought about the possibility of raising children together. When I look back at the comments from the linked posts above, I have to think that God does work in mysterious ways…

…what a difference a year makes.
If you are still waiting and things seem hopeless, don’t give up. It is a completely overused phrase, but God really does have a plan for you. Your time will come.




3 responses

18 12 2009

I think I’d only been reading your blog for a little while when this happened, I can’t believe how quickly a year goes by and how much can change in such a short time.

My husband’s cousin got his girlfriend pregnant at about the same time you were going through your sister’s announcement. I remember my heart just falling to pieces all over again when I read your words. The unfairness of it really hit me, but now, seeing how much we’ve both grown through this hardship, I am so proud of you! (and myself, I thought I’d never be able to love this kid, but, I have been proven wrong and happily so!)

When you received R. I saw that light go on in your heart and your face, and I was just so very excited that you were healed. I knew when I saw that, that it was indeed possible for me to be the Auntie I was supposed to be. Thank you for your amazing example!

3 01 2010

It’s always great to look back and see just how far we’ve come, when we’ve let God take care of things in our lives.

22 01 2010

Bri, I was reading back through some blog, and this post made me cry. Like I need to go blow my nose right now. Your words hit so close to home… I hope with everything in me that I can write a post like this one day. My sister and I have “patched” it up (translation: we just don’t talk about anything “real”), but I so long for the sadness & bitterness in my own heart to allow our relationship to heal completely.
It sucks so much still being in the waiting limbo. But I know you know that.
thank you for this post!

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