What a difference a year makes…

15 12 2009

Exactly one year ago today, I hit rock bottom. Rock Bottom. If you have been following me a long time, you will remember that was the day that, following a string of pregnancy announcements, I found out my little sister was pregnant. I will never forget that feeling. The following weeks I was at the lowest of lows, questioning God, questioning life and having nowhere to turn. I thought things had changed forever. I thought I would never be the same, my relationship with my sister would never be the same. I was in such pain that I couldn’t imagine ever getting past it.

Today, as I read the words I wrote, it brought tears to my eyes. Not because I am ashamed (although I am not proud of those feelings/thoughts), but because of where I am now, where my sister and I are now. Dealing with my sister’s pregnancy was hands down the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. She was the closest person to me and the most ill equipped person I know to have a child… and I was waiting on pins and needles for all my dreams to come true. But I grew. Not just once Riley came, I grew and I healed before she came home with us (although she certainly was the scab that sealed off that wound!). I worked hard to get past my issues with her pregnancy and with pregnancies in general.

I am so thankful that my sister was so understanding of my feelings during this time. I am so thankful that (most of) my family was understanding and supportive during this time. I am so thankful for the relationship that I have with my sister… pretty much exactly the same as it was 366 days ago!

It is strange, my sister and I are 7 years apart and never once even thought about the possibility of raising children together. When I look back at the comments from the linked posts above, I have to think that God does work in mysterious ways…

…what a difference a year makes.
If you are still waiting and things seem hopeless, don’t give up. It is a completely overused phrase, but God really does have a plan for you. Your time will come.

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3 responses

18 12 2009
Kelley

I think I’d only been reading your blog for a little while when this happened, I can’t believe how quickly a year goes by and how much can change in such a short time.

My husband’s cousin got his girlfriend pregnant at about the same time you were going through your sister’s announcement. I remember my heart just falling to pieces all over again when I read your words. The unfairness of it really hit me, but now, seeing how much we’ve both grown through this hardship, I am so proud of you! (and myself, I thought I’d never be able to love this kid, but, I have been proven wrong and happily so!)

When you received R. I saw that light go on in your heart and your face, and I was just so very excited that you were healed. I knew when I saw that, that it was indeed possible for me to be the Auntie I was supposed to be. Thank you for your amazing example!

3 01 2010
Debbie

It’s always great to look back and see just how far we’ve come, when we’ve let God take care of things in our lives.

22 01 2010
Sarah

Bri, I was reading back through some blog, and this post made me cry. Like I need to go blow my nose right now. Your words hit so close to home… I hope with everything in me that I can write a post like this one day. My sister and I have “patched” it up (translation: we just don’t talk about anything “real”), but I so long for the sadness & bitterness in my own heart to allow our relationship to heal completely.
It sucks so much still being in the waiting limbo. But I know you know that.
thank you for this post!
Love,
S

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