Where do I go from here?

28 06 2010

I haven’t had anything to write lately.  Well, that isn’t entirely true.  I live my life constantly constructing blog posts in my brain.  Unfortunately, the genius that I mentally compose while driving and washing dishes doesn’t seem to materialize when I am in front of my computer.  I am really sorry for you all that you don’t get to experience the masterpieces that get lost wherever thoughts get lost. Hello?  Is anyone even reading anymore? J

I’m not really sure what to do with this space here. I feel like I am boring as a blogger can get.  I’ve gotten to the point where there s a lot of stuff that I don’t feel like sharing because I don’t want to hear other peoples’ opinions on it. Like how I am struggling with open adoption and how I am trying to “give some space” during times that I think they may need it but I constantly worry that it feels like I am pushing them away or ignoring them. How I wish they would just email me back because then I know it is ok to email again!  Or how I think so much about raising my daughter in a way that I don’t ignore the fact that she is adopted but I also don’t point it out so much that I create insecurities and sensitivities that may not have been there otherwise.  Or how my kid is seriously the funniest, cutest thing ever and I think everyone should know it (ok, so I DO blog about that!).  Anyhow, I blog about these things in my head, but when it comes down to it, I don’t want to listen to someone else tell me that I am wrong, because it is just going to piss me off or hurt my feelings and I am still going to do it my way, anyway.  It sounds like I don’t want to learn from others, but honestly, that isn’t the case.  It just seems that as of late, commenters aren’t interested in healthy dialogue, but more into criticizing and spewing judgment.   People are also so quick to take peoples words completely literally without cutting anyone any slack or giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.  That makes me want not to want share the way I have in the past. 

That being said, I can’t tell you how much I have learned from other bloggers and comments.  And I blog somewhat for my own journaling, but mostly to find connect to others, which happens through the comments.  So, what’s a girl to do?  I think about dismantling the whole thing, but I love it and if I don’t have a blog, I can’t really connect with people because then I am just like a troll that reads others’ blogs.  No new connections will be formed and people won’t feel connected to me.  Maybe I will just say screwitall and blog away openly.  Anyway, just a peek into my crazy little brain right now.

Speaking of connections, in July I have plans to meet with two of my very favorite (and longest) bloggy friends!  Sooooo excited!

Real post coming soon…

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13 responses

28 06 2010
Maru

i could’ve written this post myself… i blog in my brain pretty much about the same things as you. very often.

i’m still here. i still read. i just don’t have as much time to blog as i used to before my baby was born. i read every blog i follow on my phone, all 115 of them, very late at night, when i’m in bed trying to catch some sleep…

meeting bloggy friends? how cool!! looking forward to that post. 🙂

28 06 2010
Cristy

Hi Bri
I enjoy reading your blog. You were one of the first of soon to be adopted parents that I connected with. You were also one of the fist that helped me see adopted parents in a different light. I felt like you help educate me and I hope you learned a few things from my perspective as a birthmom from a closed era.
I love it when adoptive parents talk about open adoption. If all you blogged about was happy happy joy joy, I would wonder who you are trying to fool. I have never been in an open adoption so I can’t tell you how to go about things are assure you if your feeling things that or normal or if your daughter’s birthfamily is feeling normal feelings.. what’s normal anyways? I do think it’s normal to have some ups and downs and some uncomfortable times. I am sure her birth family is still grieving the loss of her. I hope you continue to blog in between the dishes and the diapers and the kisses, hugs and baby fits. I wouldn’t expect everything you blog about to be about adoption. It can’t rule your life. But as a birthmom, I feel like you haven’t forgotten her birth family and it makes me feel good.
I can’t speak for sure about open adoption. I can only go by my experiences being left out of the picture. I can’t not tell you enough how much it hurts to go through the years and not even know what my daughter looked like or how the trust of being informed on the little things like first time she rode a bike and such. I hope that I haven’t been one of the harsh people who have commented on your blog. I always try to communicate in a proper way.

29 06 2010
BB

Cristy- I can’t tell you how much your comment means to me. I am inspired by your ability to see the other side of things. Of all people, you have every reason to be angry and biter towards all things adoption and I think it is incredible that you have been able to open your heart and mind to the fact that there is beauty in many adoptions. I have learned a TON from you and even though it is sometimes hard for me to watch (listen??) to your hurt because I want more than anything to keep that hurt from R’s birth family, it is good for me to hear and I attribute a lot of my “understanding” during R’s placement to the things I learned from you.

28 06 2010
Melba

OMG, I am SO super excited too…it’s coming right up!

You know that my vote is for you to say “screwitall” and blog your little heart out but…that’s because I’d miss you way too much if you went the dismantling route! ***getting on knees and begging***

No seriously though, I’m sort of in the same boat. I feel bored and b.o.r.i.n.g but then I don’t think YOU are boring at all with your posts. So maybe I’m not as boring to others as I think. Something has changed though and it’s unnerving. The comments aren’t the same, you’re right…and that’s when people comment at all. I think it’s partly that the people who write most of the blogs I follow have changed and so the blogging is naturally going to change too but I’m not sure…

Whatever the case, I’ll try to blog more if you do…how’s that for a deal?

Hugs,

Melba

29 06 2010
BB

I’m not going to dismantle. I just can’t do it! I don’t think you are boring at all, and you are right, that does make me feel better. Sometimes I look back at the things i used to share on my blog… whoa! I don’t know how I didn’t get crucified!

I CANNOT wait until the 17th!

29 06 2010
richele

this made me laugh out loud – i think in blog posts that also never come to be.

oh the adoption trickies – they’re always out there. i’ve just resigned to do the best i can with our situation(s). there are some relationships i envy, others that i don’t – and i’m just learning to love ours the way it is, or the way it is shaping up to be.

and i say you just carry on blogging without a plan, you don’t want to just go away – we’ll miss you, and you never know when the need to have your fingers connect with the keyboard (and us) will hit.

oops – didn’t you just say you didn’t want to hear any opinions?! :c)

29 06 2010
BB

hehe! I appreciate opinions and I thank you for them! I think you hit the nail on the head with doing the best you can with your situations. I don’t KNOW how to do this. Nobody does. I have to do what is best for my family and if someone is critical of that in a nasty way, it will hurt me!

You guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy and it makes me want to wear my heart on my sleeve. The funny thing is, nobody has ever really attacked me, but I see it elsewhere and I get all protective of my own emotions.

29 06 2010
Lisa

I know excatly what you mean. Even with a private blog, I sometimes find myself not openly sharing my thoughts on open adoption. For fear, that I will hurt someone’s feelings or fear that they will take something I write the wrong way and then post a comment that will bother me. Open adoption is hard and easy. But I think it is ever changing.

I tend to write more about being a mama. Using my blog to capture moments of Shelby’s life that I just want to cherish or remember.

Now who are you meeting up with???!! I am so curious and a bit envious that we haven’t met yet. We were planning on coming to AZ in July for the Fourth, now it may be either later in the month or August.

29 06 2010
BB

It is funny because it isn’t that I don’t want to learn and grow, but people get their feelings hurt or take things the wrong way so often (myself included) that I am just scared. Being the best mom to this little girl is so important to me, that I stand to get hurt a lot if someone gets mean. That isn’t to say (at ALL) that I am not confident in my choices… but with adoption there are lots of different people that feel very differently.

29 06 2010
Debbie

Just blog it all openly. I started blogging about our open adoption to help me. I couldn’t find anyone else blogging about it at first, now I’ve found lots of people and together we get to share ideas, concerns and questions.

Can you moderate comments here like you can on blogger? Just don’t post (or delete) the ones you don’t want to cause debate. I unintentionally caused some issues on a blog recently by just sharing my view on a post. Bugs me that I did that but sometimes we just can’t help sharing what works for us personally when we comment.

So glad you are getting to meet some bloggy friends.

30 06 2010
Holly

I’m here and reading! I don’t want you to stop blogging and I don’t think you are boring. I think all of us who become moms, after blogging about adoption, struggle with what to blog about.

I am also really cautious about what I say about adoption…..

2 07 2010
TXMom2B

I swear I read this today, after writing my latest very similar post yesterday. I don’t know where to go with my blog, either, and a lot of it is because of the judgmental, self-righteous criticism that I let bother me. I, too, think I am boring (although we both must be wrong because people still read what we have to write, LOL). Hopefully we’ll both figure out what works for us. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do myself about this topic. I, too, love the community and don’t want to be a “troll”, but what to share? I know I’ll at least keep my blog up so people can get some context when I post comments, but it’s not the same. Anyway, I hear you.

6 07 2010
Shannon

I know what you mean. I don’t have alot of extra time to blog and I am very careful of what I put on there to begin with, its been over a month since my last post….I really need to get on it! I am just so busy with my little man during the day and don’t have time and then when he goes down at night its my time to get things done and I just read and make a few comments on blogs I read here and there and don’t take the time to update mine very often. Or it could be that I am just exhaused and don’t even get on the computer at all that night, he is a VERY busy little man lately!!!

I love reading your blog and I think its important for all of us to keep at it and stay connected!!! I love getting advice from others with little ones sames age as mine and I also love being around for those just going through the process to offer support during those difficult waiting times.

How exciting getting to meet some bloggy friends! Have a great time, can’t wait to hear all about it!!!

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