Finding my groove

31 08 2011

So, I am not sure how it happened, but somewhere along the line I found my groove.

I spent the first year (or more… definitely more) of R’s life mourning the loss of my SAHMness.  I had always planned to be a SAHM and when that didn’t happen, it was devastating.  When I would drop R off at her sitter, some days I would be sick to my stomach.  I missed her, yes, that was a big part of it, but it wasn’t the majority of the issue.  It took me a really long time to figure out what the issue was.

You see, I learned pretty quickly that I am a great working mom.  I have so much patience with R.  I rarely lose my temper with her, I love to be with her more than anything, and, because our time together is limited, the time we spend is QUALITY.  When we are home and R is awake, I don’t clean, watch TV (unless it is with her), do laundry, read, get on the computer, talk on the phone or anything else that doesn’t have to do with spending time with her (with the exception of cooking, which usually R chooses to partake in).   I have ALWAYS felt good about the time we spend together and even though it wasn’t enough (is there ever ENOUGH time?), I didn’t feel like we fell short either.  That all being said, I still struggled daily with going to work and not being home with her. 

Until we switched to her new school.  I am not going to rave about her school again (although I could.  I could go on and on and on and on), but the change in our family and the change in ME in all areas of my life is amazing since we have found this place, a place where we ALL feel comfortable.

I don’t feel guilty anymore.  I feel like R is getting the best of both worlds now.  She is learning so much and thriving beyond words (this morning, on the way to school she pointed and said, “that red octagon sign says STOP” AND she can spell her name and find the letters to her name and put them in order) and I am the best mom I can be when we get home.  I feel so confident that while I am at work helping our family, she is learning, socializing, interacting, singing and generally loving every minute of it.  For me personally, I have been able to become the employee that I was before the mommy guilt set it.  I am more productive at work, more productive at home and just generally feeling better than I ever have.  I do know that I need a little better work/home balance, but for the time being, things are good.

The best part is, with my increased productivity at work, I have earned a ton of new roles in my career.  I am now, once again, heading up my department.  We are expanding and I am slotted to take the next step up when the time comes (even though I will pass up that opportunity, they don’t have to know that at this point).  I am training all of our new people and doing my regular job.  My boss is gone frequently now due to his personal issues and often leaves without any notice or direction with full confidence that I will take care of everything.  It is a pretty good feeling.  Most recently, I am heading up the workflow of our entire department… which is not only super interesting to me, but it gave me some pretty big bullets for when our next child comes along.  You see, my ultimate goal is to work part time.  In doing the scheduling, I’ve noticed we have some serious issues with our workflow in that we have to staff for our busiest days, which leaves us overstaffed on our slowest days.  So, guess who wants to take the slowest days off indefinitely when baby #2 comes along?  I have the info and they can’t say no.  I know they don’t want to lose me and although they are going to be really dissapointed when they offer me a promo and I counter offer with staying in my current possition and working fewer hours, we will all adjust.   My gun is loaded with knowledge and I am super excited!

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8 responses

31 08 2011
Jessica

I felt like after my second maternity leave, I had my groove. I was ultra motivated, happy, organized…none of the things I’d been during my first year as a mom. My first year, all I wanted to do was be at home. I was miserable. Maybe it’s more of a first-year thing, instead of a second maternity leave thing like I was thinking. In any case, I LOVE this post. I feel the same way about the boys’ school and how they’re learning and growing as you do with R. I am the same way about my time. No computer, no mom-dad TV, limited FB on the phone (just during the boring kid shows we watch the SAME episode of!), and patience is galore. Our time is quality and I feel like I’m a better mom for it.

There will always be a part of me that wants more time, but we’re in the groove. This is what works for OUR family. I love it!

31 08 2011
Faith

This is so amazing to hear! I’m SO glad you have found that balance for you and your family. I wish this for EVERY mommy!

31 08 2011
Melba

I love this post and I love your attitude! This is something I needed to read, given the fact that I’m starting (another) new job tomorrow & C. will begin going to his current daycare provider 5x a week instead of his typical 3. I still have the guilt, and I can’t decide if more time there (i.e. more consistency) is going to make things better for him/all of us or if it’s going to be awful. I know I’m going to miss him like crazy cakes. I also know though that what you stated is absolutely true. When my time with him is more limited, I’m more focused and more truly “with” him than I am when our days together feel limitless.

Either way it’s great that you’re feeling like a powerhouse at work…you go, Girl!! I love that you have ammo for getting what YOU want when the time comes. It seems that so often these days, it’s the companies with the bullets and not the employees!

So hoping I can be like you this coming year and find my own groove. I’m definitely feeling the need for a settling period in my life. We have had changes upon changes…

Melba

2 09 2011
Sarah

Wow, Bri, I love this post… you sound so empowered! I think it’s wonderful that you’ve found a place where you feel 100% comfortable leaving R. Makes all the difference in the world if you feel confident in the care & education she’s getting. And good for you at your job… it’s been a while, but I remember that feeling of being completely in control of my job, & it’s GREAT. Sounds like you’re pretty much knocking it out of the park these days… so happy for you!

21 09 2011
Jamie

Yay! This post sounds so strong and powerful! 🙂 As you know I am a SAHM and through these past couple of weeks recovering from surgery, my mom would take M everyday from 9am – 12:30pm ~ then he would nap for a couple of hours and I would just have a couple of hours in the afternoon before Matt was able to start helping. He seemed like he LOVED getting out of the house everyday and spending time with other people. PLUS I was more patient with him. 😉 It made me start to think a little more openly about pre-school (as you know it’s been such a struggle to leave him anywhere). I found out that it really was possible for time away to be a good thing for all of us. 🙂 So happy you’ve found your groove 🙂

25 10 2011
BB

I think Milo will do great in school, of course, after an adjustment period! 🙂 Just make sure he is healthy before you send him so you don’t freak out like I did! 🙂

27 09 2011
StylinMom

BRI, HI!!! It has been so long, sorry I was off the radar for awhile….it is great to catch up with you again…I will be coming by often and I have got my blogging groove back as well!!! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by….
m

25 10 2011
BB

I missed you! Glad you are back in the grove! I am getting there, too!

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