Coveting your advice…

13 05 2009

Question #1:

I want to do a traditional-like baby book. Anyone have any good resources for those that tailor to adoption?

This is the one I am thinking of….


I want to start telling R her adoption story so that I have it right before she really understands what I am saying. I am not sure how to do this. Thankfully, R’s story is beautiful. Obviously I need to start with a very juvenile version, and I want it to include God and R’s birthmom both chosing her for us and us for her. So, I just want lots of advice. What things should I include? What should I avoid saying? What things have you heard other’s saying that you now know not to say?

Or should I really even tell a story at this point or just tell her she was adopted and read her books about adoption (like this one reccommended by Rebekah- check it out!!) and allow her to ask questions as she gets older and tell her about her birthparents? I didn’t really think too much about this before she came. I mean, I knew I would tell her (obviously) I just didn’t think too much about how I would do.

So, any advice would be appreciated!!


25 03 2009

I was reading a blog post about how painful it is to learn of someone’s pregnancy and have to watch/listen to our friends and family experience what we will never be able to. It made me think of how far I have come.

The past year there have been so many pregnancy announcements. It has been really rough dealing with it, but I feel like for the most part, it is getting easier. I think most of it has been due to my little sister’s pregnancy. Lets face it, my little sister who hasn’t a penny to her name getting pregnant from a one-night-stand with twins is about as hard as it gets. I reached the peak of the uphill battle, and I think from here on out it will be more of a downward slope. It seems to be getting easier.

Today, I talked her off the ledge, so to speak. She was expeicing some pretty signficant spotting and was freaking out and couldn’t find my mom. She called me beacuse she thought she might be with me (my mom is still in town, just with my grandma and aunt while I work). She tried not to tell me about what was happening, but I could tell she was upset. I talked to her for about an hour while she drove to the doctor and waited to get in. It is funny that although I have never pregnant, I know more than most about pregnancy. I was certain from her symptoms that everything was fine, and of course I was right. It made me feel good to be able to calm her down and I didn’t have any saddness at all.

She also found out the sex – two baby girls. She was CERTAIN that there were two boys cookin in there and at very least one of each. She even commented that there was no way it was two girls and that would be her least favorable outcome. I guess I haven’t come that far, because the fact that she was wrong made me smile a little. I guess some of the spite never goes away! Hehe. So, two little girls! How very exciting. The doc even thinks they are identical even though they are in two different sacs. I guess one placenta??? I don’t know that much about that whole thing. It is cool because I know 3 girls and 3 boys that are/will be born in my family/close cirlce of friends in 2009. Whevenever my child decides to find me, he/she will have playmates in both genders.


I have also been thinking about the insensitive comments that people make. I feel like I have become too sensitive. The fact that SO many people say SO many insensitive things makes me wonder how often I spout off insensitively and don’t even realize it. I am going to try to be a little more understanding of those- take a more educational approach than a defensive approach.

Here is what happened today: A coworker (that I talked about here) is finding out tomorrow the sex of their baby. I mentioned my sister is having two girls.

Him: “are you going to buy one?” (I just shook my head and looked down)

Another co-worker: “thats terrible to say.”

Him: “I told you I’d sell you mine for $50k.”

That was it. I had to say something.

Me: “That is very, very offensive to me and I would appreciate it if you would not say things like that to me.”

Him: “I’m sorry.” (looking me square in the eye)

It was a little awkward becuase multiple co-workers were there listening, but I felt the need to elaborate

Me: “I know you don’t mean anything by it, but your comment insinuates that I am in the market to purchase a child, and since I am not by anymeans buying a baby, it is offensive to me.”

Him: “I’m very sorry.”

Ok then.

I felt a little uncomfortable and didn’t want there to be uneasiness, so I sent him an email;

Me: I know you didn’t mean anything by your comment, but I wanted you to know how I felt about it. Sorry I made it awkward.

Him: I do apologize for it. It was totally my fault; I should be more sensitive to your situation. No awkwardness now.

Me: Consider it squashed.

Him: Works for me…..

I was very very proud of myself for the way I handled it. I didn’t get mad, like I have done in the past, and I didn’t just let it go, like I have done in the past. I think most people don’t know they are making an insensitive comment…..they have never walked in our shoes and sometimes you don’t know something is offensive unless someone tells you. I was also really suprised at how he handled it. He is what many would describe as cocky and assertive, but the second I said something, he was nothing but appologetic. I think it is tough to not get defensive or make excuses when someone calls you out.

Anyway, I guess the point of random, scattered post is that this process continues to change me . In all directions, all the time…

The most fun ever!!

22 03 2009
This is what I did today….

These are the babies that were born in my life this year. All together at one time. How cool is that???

It was a lot of fun, but I wished I had had a baby there. It is quite the blessing to have all these little ones in my life. Hopefully mine isn’t too far along so they can all grow up together!!!

Always the God-mother, never the mother

12 03 2009

So, last night with the babies was so much fun!! I only spent about an hour and a half with them by myself, but their parents stayed for dinner, so I got to spend the whole evening with them.

I came to a realization; I love babies. Really, I already knew that, but I think I have been avoiding them a little the past few years. It is pretty awesome to be needed and pretty fulfilling to take a child from uncontrollable crying to contentedly sleeping in just moments.

After I posted last night, I put little boy in the pack and play and little girl was fussy so I just held her and continued to work on the computer. Little boy sneezed and it startled me- I had forgotten he was there!! It was only for a few seconds, but it made me laugh to think of how different twins are than singletons and I am just not used to two!!! I like not having to share, thought!

So, like I said in my last post, I am a little worried about my little puppy. A big story unfolded in my city where a chow bit a two week old infant on the head and the bite was fatal. The parents were both police officers and their chow had been their fur-baby pre-infant. Obviously, the story is heartbreaking, but it makes me a little nervous.

Captain seems to be just interested in them, but also a little starved for attention (he is like that when there aren’t babies around, too though. Attention whore!). At this point, I am not worried. He just wants to lick the crap out of them, but he does try to jump and grab their feet when I hold them and walk around (puppy’s got hops!).

My SIL said she read that yorkies are known for that type of thing, too (Captain is ½ yorkie). I can find that they are known for jealousy, but not for biting in a fit of jealousy (do they go hand in hand?) I found a good article on preparing your fur-baby for the real thing. Especially since ours is immensely spoiled.

The biggest thing for us is obedience. I don’t want to take obedience classes, and since he had clearly chosen me to be the far favorite in the house, I would have to take him. One more thing on the list before baby comes, I guess.We have talked about getting another puppy so he will have someone to play with, but I think that just might make us have two jealous dogs!

Anyway, once my SIL and BIL came home, we sat down to dinner and they asked us to be the twins’ god-parents. How cool is that? I was totally honored and got a little teary-eyed. What a compliment, huh? I don’t think there is a greater one than someone else choosing you to be the parent of their child if something happens to them. We talked about it for a long time and after awhile I jokingly said, “Now, you realize that by doing this you make a little-teeny part of me want you dead, right?” Of course we all laughed and they said, “Yeah, we already considered that.”

By then end of 2009, I will have 6 god-children. Now all I need is something terrible to happen to my friends and family and I am in!! Hehe! I am totally kidding, by the way. That is NOT how I want to become a mother. I would embrace it, though, for the record.

Confession and temporary pics

27 01 2009

Ok, so last night I had a little mini breakdown. It was different though. I was overwhelmed by the intense urge that I had to pick up Baby Boy L and cuddle with him the moment I saw him. I was overwhelmed by the love that I felt for these little babies instantly. (Very different from when I held my friends’ baby) So I cried. But it wasn’t the bitter, hurt, jealous, angry cry that I have been crying so often. It was just a LONGING cry. It was the first time in a long time that I was crying because I want a baby so badly instead of because I don’t have one. Does that even make sense? Small distinction, but the feeling was amazingly different and it didn’t make me feel selfish and ugly.

I told Hubbs that it made me feel a little creepy that I want peoples babies. Seriously, a little part of me wants to take these babies home. He said it is good that I feel that way because it shows that I will be able to bond to our child seamlessly. He said that in a way, I will have to do that very thing, but of course at that moment it will become our baby.

In other news, last night both babies got to be held and I cried when I got the picture messages on my cell phone. I feel myself catching Hubbs’ cold, so I am banishing myself from the hospital with promises of phone call updates and photos daily. My BIL already promised me the spot of favorite aunt so I have some work cut out for me!

Here are a few pics as suggested by Debbie. These will be taken down tomorrow or Thursday. SOOOO CUTE, huh?!?! Don’t let the tubes on Baby Girl M startle you- she is doing VERY well and she should get it taken off hopefully tomorrow!

Baby Girl M

Baby Boy L

Beautiful Updates

26 01 2009

Wow. I have so much to write about. I don’t even know where to start. A few main points:

I am VERY proud of myself- not for the way that I acted, but for the way that I feel.
My in-laws are completely NUTS!

First- the important stuff- The BABIES! So cute and tiny!! They were 4.5 lbs and 18” and 4.75 lbs and 17.25”. They are both doing very well, but at of yet haven’t been able to be held by anyone yet. They are in the NICU and are breathing on their own and sucking and swallowing and maintaining their own temperatures. Their only issue is that their lungs are a little underdeveloped. Baby Girl M has a tube in her nose (that is very sad so see) that is helping to keep her lungs fully inflated. Baby Boy L is doing great and will hopefully be held and breastfed by day’s end. I wish I could post pics, but I would want to get permission and then they would KNOW!!!

I ended up going the hospital when she was fully dialated and waited it out in the waiting room. It was HORRIBLE! I wasn’t upset about being at the hospital or anything. It had NOTHING to do with my feelings, but the whole family drove me nuts! They were ALL going in and out of the room while she was pushing and they even brought Pizza into the room. My SIL’s father and sister kept going back and forth after they were asked to leave. I was shocked and irritated to no end- but only for the mom-to-be, not for myself. There were only a few awkward moments in regards to me, but with my in-laws, that is to be expected. So, the moral of the story is that this is why God “blessed” me with infertility. Because if I were to give birth, I would end up murdering all of my in-laws and spending eternity behind bars. Yes, it was THAT bad. No respect!

We didn’t get to see the babies last night because it was sooo late by the time they were ready to be seen and Hubbs still wasn’t feeling well at all. So we went home and I couldn’t sleep. I just kept thinking about those babies!!

This morning I went back to the hospital and went to the NICU to see them. I burst into tears with my BIL when I saw them! I just instantly fell in love with those little tiny things! It made me really sad to see them there in the hospital incubator all by themselves and wanted SOMEONE to hold them so bad. It was so strange because the second I saw those babies, all the resentment and bitterness just went away. Suddenly, I wanted to have a better relationship with my BIL and SIL, and even more importantly, I really wanted to have an awesome relationship with those little babies. There was only a twinge of my own pain present while at the hospital and any tears shed were of happiness and awe at the creation of life before me. It was awesome.

It brings me hope for my relationship with my sister. She emailed me today. I emailed her back. I hope we can talk via email for awhile until my pain subsides a little more. We will see how it goes.

P.S. My therapy session was the best yet and I learned a lot about myself and I also had a GREAT time with my friends at dinner!

25 01 2009

The twins are coming today. The ones my SIL is having, not little sister (seriously, who has to clarify that type of thing???) Apparently I am expected to go to the hospital now (water just broke 1/2 hour ago) and wait for them to be born. Why? That sounds like a whole lotta hell for me right now (and really anyone). I don’t want to go. I’m fine with going once they are born like a normal person (well, fine in a relative sense) but I don’t know why I have to spend my whole day in the waiting room. I don’t really know if I have the energy to argue.