Thanks, Tagged, Parties and Blessed

16 09 2008

I appreciate the advice so incredibly much! Thank you guys! I kinda took everyone’s advice and I sent my SW an email stating that I would prefer to not include anything on spanking, but if they really thought I should, I would include the blurb from my previous post. I haven’t heard back from her yet, so we will see what she says. It is funny that I feel so bloggingly blessed at the same time that I am tagged by Tracey.

Here are the rules:1. Write about 5 specific ways blogging has affected you, either positively or negatively.2. link back to the person who tagged you3. link back to this parent post4. tag a few friends or five, or none at all5. post these rules— or just have fun breaking themFIVE WAYS BLOGGING HAS AFFECTED ME:

1. Adoption Confidence: There is nothing like feeling validated about your feelings while going through this process. There are so many ups and downs, challenges and exciting steps, and there aren’t words to describe how wonderful it is to share it with people who truly understand.

2. Adoption Advice: Whenever I struggle with a decision, I can always count on bloggy friends to have advice that comes from personal experiences. Money can’t buy that!

3. Passing on my infertility “wisdom:” It is nice to share advice, stories and words of wisdom with others that are where I have been. I look forward to this even more once I am a mom and can have the same impact on waiting adoptive families as other moms have had for me.

4. An outlet for my emotions: I’m not a terribly emotional person, but infertility and adoption have evoked some serious emotions that I am not used to dealing with. It has been therapeutic to write them down – much like it was when I used to write in a journal.

5. I have become a mediocre employee: Yes, I have encountered some negatives due to blogging. I spend a lot of time reading blogs when I should be working. Part of my complacency is due to loving to hear what is going on, but part of it is knowing that as soon as my baby dreams come true, I won’t have this job anymore anyway.

Now, I tag…

Nancy

Angie

Melba

Hope2morrow

MamaJen

This weekend I hosted a bachelorette party for my BFF. I spent so much time planning it, and it went off without a hitch! She was so happy, we had so much fun, and we got very very silly on our little girls weekend. There were eight of us that hung out, and what a great group of girls.

On Sunday when I dropped the bachelorette off at her home, she said got me a gift for throwing her the party. She got in her car and pulled out a BRU bag. I got excited and jumped up and down when I pulled out two cute as can be onesies. Then she tells me that’s NOT my gift. She opens the hatch of her SUV and there is the travel system we registered for! I was so excited I cried because that was the next thing that I was going to purchase and I was stressed about spending money before all the adoption money was saved. It was such a huge, extravagant gift and I appreciate it so much! I was really nice to have someone acknowledge that this is really going to happen for me! Yay for BFFs. Thank you so much!

Advertisements




Here, There and Everywhere

4 09 2008

I was talking to hubby’s ex-boss last week (he works in my building). After casual chit-chat he asked me how our infertility was going (what a weird question – who does that?). I told him that we were currently pursuing adoption. He then showed me pictures of his 5 year-old son that he and his wife adopted from Russia. Then he proceeded to list off and all the people in our building who have/are adopting to the tune of 7 people! There are only about 60 people on our floor and seven of them have personally touched by adoption in their families. I thought that was really cool!

A few weeks ago in home depot we were checking out some potential designs for the nursery. We asked a female employee where we could find something and as she showed us she asked us what we were planning. I started telling her about our idea for the nursery and she looks down at my belly and says, “no way!” I laughed (feeling complimented! Better that than the contrary!), and told her we were adopting. She went ON and ON about her great-grandson who was recently adopted and told me his whole story. While some of the things she said made me cringe, she was so nice, encouraging and well meaning.

I was talking to my MIL about the potential for the birth parents to decide to parent after we have been matched. All of my MIL’s children have been going through a really rough time the past few years and it has taken a heavy toll on her shoulders. I wanted her to know that if that happens to us, while we will be devastated, we will be ok. We are prepared for that (as much as can be) and we know it is a possibility. I told her that part of me really wants to get a call that says, “There was a baby born three days ago. He’s your’s, go pick him up.” She says, “yeah, and the birthmother has already gone and disappeared.” Without going into it too much, I just commented that I would really like to meet her. I know that I am very immersed in this whole thing and many (most) people (including me a year ago) couldn’t imagine wanting to have that person in your life after the adoption, but I do. I honestly do. If I am honest I don’t want the come visit on the weekends, hang out on birthdays and come for Christmas dinner closeness, but I really want to get to know her, and to know about her history, her family and anything else I can know. Him, too, if available. I want to have pictures of her and her family, and I want her to have all the pictures she wants of us (trust me, there will be lots! I love the camera). I want my children to know that I tried and I want to be able to answer as many questions as possible. I do, however, have the conflict of “when.” Part of me really wants that call that says that there is baby and it is to be mine. Part of me wants that time before-hand to be able to get to know her, develop a relationship and plan for the future. But that is SOOOO scary! I completely get the notion that the decision to place has to be made after birth – even if it was already made beforehand, it will need to be made again. That is SCARY!

This past weekend we hung out with some friends that we haven’t seen in awhile. They totally validated my “pregnant with time” state and made me feel very like they were totally excited about what we are going through. It was really awesome.

Then Sunday night we went to my SIL’s house (the one preg with twins) to celebrate Hubby’s Bday with his family. For the past three years my other SIL (with two kids) has been telling me she has so much baby stuff saved for me. Well, she arrived with a huge box full of baby clothes for her pregnant sister, and a little bag with three giraffe onsies for her paper pregnant sister. I couldn’t help feeling the jab. I don’t need that stuff financially, because we have been very blessed in that area and quite honestly, I don’t want the whole lot of it. But it still hurt my feelings and made me feel very un-validated. Before she got pregnant, his family was so supportive, excited and talked about it all the time. Now, I get the feeling that there are “real” babies to talk about and mine gets pushed to the side. Later, my FIL was sitting next to me talking about something or other. Then he said how next year at this time, we would have three babies hanging around. Then he nudged me like he had told a funny joke and winked at me. It felt so fake to me I wanted to scream. Why didn’t he nudge his own daughter? Because he wasn’t entertaining the thought of her having children – she actually will. I feel like we are all pretending that this going to happen for me. We are pretending that I am in the same boat as she is and that we are all just as excited for me. I’m not jealous that she is pregnant, I am jealous that people acknowledge that she is pregnant. I am not jealous that she is going to have children, I am jealous that she knows when she is going to have children.

I’m really excited about the nursery, about every moment I get to spend at BRU and about the thought of really being a mom. I don’t know if I really believe it will happen. Honestly, though, children…babies are the greatest thing ever. Life itself is so magical and powerful to me, that it is overwhelming. When my goddaughter was born it was so amazing that it literally freaked me out. Now that she is talking, it is unbelievable that she is that same little thing that I watched come into the world two and a half years ago. It is so amazing to me that she is an actual person with her own thoughts, a sense of humor and a personality. I really can’t imagine having that immense responsibility, joy and magic in my life. My brain knows it will happen, but my heart doesn’t. So, I guess I can’t really blame people for “pretending” because I pretty much am myself.

I feel sad and a little negative today for the first time in a long time. I don’t like it!!

By the way, today is Hubby’s 31st birthday. Happy Birthday to the greatest man ever!





Research, Research, and More Research Part 1

27 08 2008

I am loving doing research on the baby items. A few weeks back I started a little registry at Babies R Us, and now I am revising, revising, revising. I love the advice I come across in the blogosphere like here and here. I also am doing a (short) subscription to Consumer Reports to see how well that helps me.

Let me start by saying that I have a tendency to want the best, especially when it comes to a baby I have been waiting so long for. Many times, I will start out with the best, then make educated sacrifices here and there. I also tend to want everything to match, to be brand loyal, and to have the newest, coolest thing around. All of these things tend to settle down with me after I have been looking for something for awhile.

I struggle finding gender neutral things that I really like and really think are gender neutral. With all the major purchases, I would want them to be gender neutral anyway, since I plan on having more than one child and I would like to reuse most of those major purchases. I will tell you that once I know fur sure the gender of my child, he/she will be showered with gender specific clothing and toys!

First and foremost for me a car seat. With that, I would like to do a travel system. I know a lot of people don’t like these because they are big and bulky, but the reality is that I am almost 6 feet tall and I need something that is comfortable for me and my height (i.e. a stroller I don’t have to bend down to push). I originally registered for this, but now I am having second thoughts. First, I am not too sure how gender neutral the fabric is. I think if I had a little girl in this, people would always think she was a boy. I have also read reviews that the fabric is hot, which in AZ is no good. I also have been reading good reviews on this. So I am deciding between the two, and then deciding on a pattern/fabric.

This one’s stroller is CR #1 rated and the car seat ranks pretty well, also. I like the patterns available on this one, and I like that it comes with lots of matching other stuff like a bouncer, diaper bag, swing, and playyard. It folds very small, but is heavier than most and you can’t fold it with one hand.

This one’s car seat is CR #1 rated in all categories and the stroller rates very well also. It is lighter and you can fold it with one hand, but it doesn’t fold very small.

They are both pretty similarly priced, also. I can’t decide on this one. I tried out the first one at babies, but I’ll have to go back again.

For Bouncers, I registered for this: Graco Soothe & Swaddle Bouncer in Deco
But after reading CR, quickly changed my mind to this: Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium Bouncer

More to come!





Stork Parking

12 06 2008
How does this make you feel?I went to Babies R Us tonight after work to check out some giraffe stuff I had seen online and snoop around a bit. As I was pulling into the too-good-to-be-true parking space, I discovered it was. As I put my car into reverse, I wanted to be mad. Then, I decided that I WAS an expectant mother, so I was going to park there anyway (car back into “DRIVE”). Then I literally laughed outloud thinking of trying to contest a ticket in court (car back into “REVERSE”). So I parked somewhere else. I still don’t know how it makes me feel.





Yellow giraffe

11 06 2008

We went to Toys R Us this weekend and of course, found ourselves playing around in the baby section. It is nothing compared to babies r us, but we have one of those less than a quarter mile from our house (uh-oh!) We got into a little tiff because the hubs wanted to buy a football pacifier. I said that we were only buying non-gender specific things, and he tried to say that it wasn’t gender specific (along with the sports blanket and football mobile). Oh boy!

But, while we were there, we decided we were going to go ahead with decorating the nursery and we decided we would do the room in green and yellow, centering around giraffes. I’ve always liked giraffes and they are pretty gender neutral. The thing is, MOST of what I am finding is safari themed, and that is VERY boy and I don’t really like the safari theme too much. So, I am going to have to do a lot of searching for the right stuff, which I LOVE because then it will take me a long time and I won’t be able to just whip it out. We bought our first gift for a little one to celebrate our certification, so now it is officially “the baby’s room.”