Sittin’ pretty

10 08 2009

So, guess who is sleeping 10+ hours pretty much every night now? Yep, that’s my girl! Guess who is also sitting up? Yep(at four months!!)! She seriously is super baby!! It is too funny that on Friday I put her to sit up and she just did it like she had been doing it forever. I even tried poking her to get her to topple over and she is steady as can be. Well, obviously she falls over sometimes (especially when she laughs, which is the cutest thing EVER!!), but she is such a champ!

So, I am now a firm believer in the sleep regression stuff. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the day she starts sleeping solidly through the night again she also can sit up like nobody’s business. It makes sense, too, because whenever I start a new job or something, it tends to fill up my dreams and affect my sleeping, too.

A sitting baby is so much fun! She loves to reach for her toys and is really REALLY into watching whatever is on TV. She is such a little angel and has really started talking a lot lately. Actually, it is really shrieking, not talking, but it is music to my ears!

You may have noticed that there are lots of holes in my blog. I have decided that I am not going to post pictures here any longer and I have removed all of them from my previous posts. There have been some news stories that have just made me skeptical about putting my girl’s face out there for all to see. I will keep facebook updated, so hit me up there. I may decided to occasionally post a photo or two if something I can’t keep from sharing occurs (’cause she’s too cute to keep all to myself), but even then I will only leave it up for a day or so. I think that is better than going private or moving to a place where I can pswd protect some posts. So there it is. Have a good week!!


30 07 2009

So, during my unexpected respite from blogging, I decided I was going to kinda wrap up my blog and “retire”. I am spread pretty thin as it is, and I was starting to feel “bad” when would I play around in blogland.

There are many women out there that are doing this “adoption thing” a whole lot different that I am. If I am honest, I have very little desire to have the level of open adoption that so many people seem to have. I am not the adoptive mother that wishes we could visit with R’s birth family monthly or whatever. But these women, these families that have these fully open adoptions seem to have it all together. It seems to work beautifully and in some ways I am immensely jealous of the way it works… and I started to feel bad about myself and my situation. These women seem to have the answer to every open adoption question in every situation. They seem to be more wise than I am, better mothers and just plain have it all together more than I. They are just downright pros. I would walk a thin line between wanting to be just like then, but feeling that it wasn’t right for me.

The thing is, it isn’t for me. It isn’t for us. Regular visits and phone calls and family celebrations just wouldn’t work for any of us, which is why I don’t want it. It took me awhile to realize that I am envious of their situations because they work and they seem glorious. They have these relationships with these birthmothers that is extraordinary. But I KNOW that wouldn’t work for us. This isn’t our situation, and I can’t make it be. Hubbs is still a little stand-offish on the visits. R’s birth parents don’t even want the level of contact that we have and even though I love writing to them and I would love to see them again, a fully open adoption just isn’t the answer for any of us. What works for us (ALL of US) is what we are doing now. I am confident in how THIS is going for us. I am my own PRO at our own situation (well, I will be after a few more months). And I think I am doing a pretty good job at this motherhood thing, too.

I am getting more and more confident in being a mom, being an adoptive mom, and being a mom to this specific, wonderful baby girl. I tend to forget that we all start out as babies. We all have a learning curve with life, motherhood and openness in adoption. I do feel like I am finding my way beautifully and I can’t compare myself to mothers that have different situations and that have been doing this with multiple children for years on end. We just aren’t the same… and actually our situation isn’t the same as anyone elses. I don’t need to feel like I need to raise my daughter a certain way, explain adoption to her a certain way (or at a certain age or certain frequency). I am going to do it the I feel is right (Hubbs included) and best.

And then I was shocked and appalled at myself for even considering giving up this blog. This blog (and blogland itself) has been a huge area of support, education and growth for me. I have laughed and cried like you wouldn’t believe. I have mourned and rejoiced with people I would honestly call my friends, that without blogland I wouldn’t even know existed. I have witnessed families being formed, hearts being broken, and wishes coming true.

Plus, I have so much more to say!! Who knows how much content it will carry, but lots and lots of words!!

So, I am just going to blog about whatever I want from here on out. Either my adventures with R, juggling life, open adoption, or just some things that I think!!

Cool Free Stuff

10 06 2009

Click here to learn how to request a free Baby’s Birth Greeting from the President.

Click here to receive a free circus ticket for your new baby with no expiration date!!

Absenteeism and the Unemployment Bug

27 05 2009

I have been very absent lately and I it doesn’t seem like it is going to get any better. We have had a great couple of weeks and then a terrible one.

Let me start by saying that I know I am blessed. I am thankful beyond belief that I have R in my life. She is the greatest blessing and I love her to pieces. I am thankful for my job and my husband and my tremendous family. That being said, things suck.h

My husband got laid off… again today. Seriously? Uggghhh!! The company he has been working for (which recruited him from his old job) hasn’t paid him salary in a month and laid him off today saying that the wages he is owed will be paid in about 120 days. That doesn’t seem legal and definitely isn’t ethical, but that is the least of my concerns. So, now we have gone 8 weeks without either of us getting a paycheck, and now there is no income in sight for either of us. So, 120 days can kiss my ass.

So, my maternity leave will be cut short. Monday I will be headed back to work and leaving my two month old baby behind. (I AM thankful that I have the opportunity to do that, BTW!!) I know this isn’t the worst thing that could happen, but I am pretty devastated about the whole thing. It just crushes me. A year ago I was set to be a stay at home mom, yesterday I was set to go back part time and today I am going to be a full time working mom. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am blessed, it just isn’t how I imagined things and I am, once again, grieving the loss of a dream.

So, next week my step-mom is our nanny. The week after, my grandma. The next two weeks, my mom. What a great family I have.! I feel comforted to know that 1) R won’t have to be in day care any sooner than she was going to have to be yesterday and 2) We won’t have the added expense of day care for a month. The thought of trying to find a day care provider makes me well up with tears. So, I guess I am just sad. I am not feeling sorry for myself, honestly I don’t care so much about struggling with the money, I am just sad about what I am going to be missing out on. It does make me mad that because we are adopting R and didn’t give birth to her, I haven’t been paid for this time off at all.

Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.

Also, my dog is sick. Poor baby.

After my negative post, I leave you with this…

….makes it all worth it!

I was just thinking…

16 05 2009

The other day I went to get my haircut. My sister watched R for about an hour and a half. It was my first time leaving R with anyone other than Hubbs, but we all did just fine! Anyway, I always go to the same salon to get my haircut, but take the first appointment available with whomever. After getting my haircut, another stylist that I vaguely remembered asked me if I had adopted a baby yet. It meant so much to me that she remembered me telling her about our journey (even though I didn’t remember). It was slow in the salon so I talked to the three stylists about our journey to R and I even got a little teary-eyed. It got me thinking a lot about adoption and my expectations.

I didn’t think that I was going to have trouble falling in love with my baby… and I didn’t. I did think that I would have a little bit of sadness associated with the fact that my child was not biologically connected to me. Honestly, I have not had an ounce of sadness over that fact. In fact, I LOVE that she isn’t. I LOVE that the story of how she came into our lives is so unique and special. I love that R has so many people in her life that love her… instantly. I love that there are things about her that Hubbs and I would have never been able to create. I will always celebrate those things about her that make her uniquely who she is… along with those things that make her so much a part of our family.

I am amazed at the father adoption has created in my husband. He is so warm and loving towards her. He has turned into such a softie and coos and baby talks with her. I love that when he comes home from work he rushes right over to her ready to play. He really misses her. Our last two doctors appointments he has been unable to attend and has called immediately when he thought it might be over to see how they went (everything went swimmingly, but the way!! No heart or hip issues to be found!). He loves to pick out her little outfits and is always sweetly partial to the ones that say ‘daddy” on them. He is just beside himself about how he is going to handle next week when we are out of town M-F without him (he joins us Friday night). He feels so bad when he doesn’t wake up at night to feed her because he has to work in the morning.

I am shocked at how wholeheartedly our family has embraced R as an equal part of our family… even those I thought might have some trouble with it. There are those that I know will never outwardly acknowledge that she was adopted and instead choose to pretend it isn’t so, but I am ok with that. For the most part, I would just rather it be Hubbs and I that address anything adoption with R. I am immensely pleased with how much everyone has just completely fallen in love with her. But at the same time, how could they not?? Just look at this cutie!!

People told me over and over again how it would all be worth it in the end. The pain would subside and the anger would fade. I cannot tell you how true this is for me. We waited 17 months and 1 day from the day we decided to pursue adoption (6 months actually being presented). It seemed like an eternity for me. On Mother’s Day, I was just shocked at how many moms I was sharing my first mother’s day with. Moms that, in my mind, adopted their babies an eternity ago and were veteran parents… but it wasn’t that long ago. I would do it all again ten times over if it would lead me to R. She is my dream come true. She is everything I wished for and everything I prayed for. It was more than worth it for me. Looking back, considering how fulfilled and happy I am, it was kind of easy (don’t shoot me for saying that.)! And oh, how the pain has melted away!! I was never one of those people that NEEDED to be pregnant. But I was jealous of pregnant people because of what it meant. I do not feel that jealousy any longer. I just spent an entire week with my gigantically pregnant little sister. The news of her pregnancy was by far the darkest of dark times for me and I didn’t handle it well. But this week, I honestly felt no pain for myself, no jealousy. We were the same old sisters, laughing and being silly together. I wouldn’t trade what I have for ANYTHING. Not anything. I hoped I would feel this way, but deep down I didn’t really think I would. I will never forget those feelings. I don’t regret them and I think they are definitely a part of who I am, but I don’t feel them anymore. Now, those feelings may resurface when we have to wait again once we decide to add to our family, but for now, I am peaceful and beyond blissful.

**Thank you all SO much for all the advice on my last post. I decided to order the baby book I was looking at and then when the adoption is finalized purchase a mycreations book. Also, I am much more comfortable with telling R her story.

Coveting your advice…

13 05 2009

Question #1:

I want to do a traditional-like baby book. Anyone have any good resources for those that tailor to adoption?

This is the one I am thinking of….


I want to start telling R her adoption story so that I have it right before she really understands what I am saying. I am not sure how to do this. Thankfully, R’s story is beautiful. Obviously I need to start with a very juvenile version, and I want it to include God and R’s birthmom both chosing her for us and us for her. So, I just want lots of advice. What things should I include? What should I avoid saying? What things have you heard other’s saying that you now know not to say?

Or should I really even tell a story at this point or just tell her she was adopted and read her books about adoption (like this one reccommended by Rebekah- check it out!!) and allow her to ask questions as she gets older and tell her about her birthparents? I didn’t really think too much about this before she came. I mean, I knew I would tell her (obviously) I just didn’t think too much about how I would do.

So, any advice would be appreciated!!

Weekend fun

12 05 2009

Saturday was my sister’s baby shower. It ended up being a lot of fun, although it was pretty non-traditional. I ended up doing most of the prep for it and I am soooo proud of the way the cupcakes turned out. They looked beautiful and were even better tasting!! Made completely from scratch, I might add!

The shower was fun because there were tons of people there that hadn’t had a chance to meet R yet. She was a perfect little angel and she showed off nicely for everyone. I was shocked at how many gifts R received at the shower (ok, not shocked. I know my friends and family too well to be shocked. But I was surprised!!). She got tons of outfits and even some sizeable gift cards. Highchair or Exersuacer? Hmmm….

Mother’s Day was wonderful. R got me a beautiful Mother’s Day necklace and we just hung out all day at the In-laws with my family there too. It was really nice.