This day…

10 05 2009

Today is somewhat of a funny day to me. I have dreaded it for so long. Yesterday I was talking to family about how I have been carrying around a bit of pain for so long, and it almost felt like something was missing to walk around feeling so happy and blessed. I don’t miss it by any means, but that pain is just noticably not there anymore.

So, today I am celebrating all my dreams come true. I am full, happy and complete today and I cannot thank The Lord enough for all the blessings in my life.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. Everyone. Whether you are a new mom like me, an OLD mom like my mom :), waiting to be a mom, or just love moms everwhere. Happy Mothers Day.

To my friends still waiting and praying; I am thinking of you on this day and knowing in my heart that your time is coming!


I’m excited to be a mom

20 03 2009

I’m excited to

– finally be included in the mom category
– be able to talk about how hard it is to have kids
– see my husband be a dad.
– learn to make a bottle in the dark.
– have poop sprayed all over my wall in a diaper-change-gone-wrong episode
– plan extravagant birthday parties
– watch my husband control the piñata at birthday parties
– be Santa Claus.
– be able to shop for gender specific clothes.
– spend my Saturdays at soccer games.
– buy dance shoes.
– for it to be acceptable for me to have beanie-weenies for dinner.
– hide Easter eggs.
– watch a first smile, first bath, first step, and all sorts of other firsts.
– smell that sweet baby smell every day.
– use all that cool new stuff sitting in my nursery
– watch my dog fall in love with my baby
– send letters and photos to my child’s birth parent(s)
– be a guest of honor on Mother’s Day
– actually want to attend family functions
– hear someone call out “mom” and have them be talking to me
– have pictures of my own children on my dest
– not feel like I am waiting around for life to start
– have a family portrait taken
– stop being jealous!
– hang artwork on the fridge
– watch sesame street again

and I am sure lots more things that I forgot about.

How do you choose a replacement?

18 03 2009

One of the toughest questions we were asked during our home study was who would we entrust with our children if something ever happened to us? We honestly were stumped. We have so many awesome and wonderful friends, but there always seems to be a roadblock as to why we wouldn’t ask them to be parents. For the time being, we decided on my parents. The reality, however, is that we would someone a little younger to care for our children (not to mention that by the time my littlest sister moves out, my mom will have been raising children for 36 years and she’ll probably need a little break.)

Three different people have asked us to be godparents. My BFF, my SIL and my sister. My BFF is wonderful and I think she is a great mom. I would have zero issues asking her to be that person for us. Her husband, as much as I love him, is not in any way a family man and loves his children, but also “tolerates” them on a daily basis. He is this way, very obviously, because his father wasn’t around…. And I don’t want to perpetuate that cycle with my children.

My SIL and BIL…..well, I love them because they are my family, but clearly I have vented many of my issues with them. While I don’t think they are going to be bad parents, they do not LOVE children in general. In my heart, I truly believe that if something were to happen to us, they would feel it to be a burden on them.

And my sister…. Oh goodness. When we named my parents during our homestudy, we figured that she would grow up in the next few years and we would eventually ask her. Unfortunately, things are going the other direction in that respect. She has recently dropped out of school, quit paying her bills (I am her permanent address and I kid you not have received 10+ collection/overdraft notices in the mail), and clearly has too much on her plate as it is.

So, how have you guys chosen? I am at a total loss here. I want it to be someone who will be close to our children so it isn’t traumatic….but both of our families seem to be in a bit of an upheaval period. Thinking about how difficult this decision is (and we don’t even actually have a child yet), it makes me even more honored that we have been honored so much. I wonder if any of them had to “settle” with us….. hmmmm. Naahhhh!

Reader discoveries

27 12 2008

I was playing around google reader recently which pathetically I have only recently discovered. I was very amused to find that my own blog was number one recommended feed. It made me laugh out loud and think that they do a pretty good job. They obviously knew that I would connect well with myself.

I went reading through the other recommended feeds and discovered that most of the sites I had already visited and just chosen not to follow for whatever reason. Then I thought, what WERE those reasons? They were mostly adoption related and I have everything in common with these people, the same as with the blogs I do follow regularly. What is it?

I think it is where they are in the process. Most of these blogs that I passed over are people who have adopted and are parenting. I started to feel guilty about the way that I get super excited to read posts by those still waiting [im]patiently to be matched or for their babies, and then still interested but less excited about those that already are parenting.

There is something about a post from a fellow waiter. The anticipation that comes from thinking “maybe they heard something,” or the satisfaction from knowing that if they are down, I am almost positive that I can relate and provide support and knowledge that they are not alone.

I felt like I betrayed my already parenting friends by feeling this way. But the more I though about it, the more I was GLAD that I felt this way. Once a waiting family gets placed and adopts, they just become a regular family. For the most part, the drama goes away, the desperation and anxiety goes away. The sensitivity towards those pregnant goes away (I hope) and the expectant waiting goes away. I want that. I want to be one of those blogs that I pass over because there isn’t much drama- just a regular family doing family things.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I never pass over any of your blogs (you know who you are and I love you guys). I get all sorts of amazing support from you all and I love seeing pictures of your babies and watching your children grow and hearing about how you are adjusting to parenthood. It is because of all that that keeps me coming back- because I have already gown to love you and your family.

It is cool to think that I will be getting my advice from those parenting blogs in the hopefully near future and even cooler to think that those “waiting” blogs will soon have something else to support each other on….parenting!

Adoption Awareness Month

6 11 2008

I’m going to keep updating this post throughout November. I love all the AWESOME information floating around in posts. Maybe I will find something cool to share this month, but there is so much information I want to make sure I keep- so I am going to link it all here in this post. Feel free to read it all, but it is really for my own safe-keeping!

Relating Well to Your Birth Mother

What Would I write?

Ways to encourage attachment

Ten Commandments of Telling

Lifebook Tips

A Teacher’s Guide to Adoption

How to Offer Support

Thanks to the writers of these blogs!

Rise and Fall

22 10 2008

Thank you all for lifting me up! As Jessica said, “How did people get through this process before blogs?!” I feel so fortunate to have such good bloggy friends that help reaffirm my thoughts, feelings and dreams. You all give me such great insight, inspiration and support and I can’t even explain how much I have grown as a result of you all.

In regards to my previous post, I do want to add that the fact that there are people out there that do have such anti-adoption views makes me very sad. I am sorry for their loss and their pain, I am sorry that they are angry, and most of all I am sorry that they cannot see that adoption can be and most often is a beautiful, loving thing.

I have never liked October. When I was younger, all the traumatic things that happened to me to seemed to happen in October (even though now, looking back, they weren’t that traumatic to begin with- but that doesn’t erase my personal stigma). I live in Arizona where fall really is just an extension of summer, so we don’t get the crisp cool air or the changing leaves to enjoy. Upon reading others’ blogs, I am a little jealous at how much others love this month/season. Here are the top 10 reasons why I am going to love fall once I have children.

10. Halloween costumes
9. Pumpkin patches
8. Apple picking
7. Carving pumpkins
6. Getting to play outside again
5. Buying orange pumpkin outfits
4. Kicking off the holiday season
3. ASU football
2. Trick-or-treating
1. The fall festival in my neighborhood

Officially Official

23 09 2008

We are officially on the waiting list!! We got an invitation last week to join the Waiting Families pool and we just sent in our astronomical check (extremely astronomical check to follow after placement) as well as our beautifully printed and folded, professional looking profile that I proudly designed myself (I wish that blogger could handle the HUGE file size so I could show it off) to our SW, so now we are official! Although we have been certified for two months, now we will begin to be presented to potential birth parents. The words, “any day” keep running through my head. We are so excited, and suddenly very nervous!

Today I looked back at when we first started. August 23rd 2007 was our very first informational meeting with our agency. It has taken us a year. I hate to say it, but learning that kinda killed my high over being official (at first). I remember last year when we started this, I was thinking about the two year wait that our agency estimates and it didn’t seem too bad. I didn’t realize that it would take us a year to get to the point where we would wait an estimated two years. I get a little angry at how our agency has dragged its feet with us. It took two months for us to get our preliminary interview with our caseworker after the info meeting (even though we signed up for it at that meeting). Because we hadn’t been married quite three years, they held us off from the first education classes because they were “almost full.” We turned in our application at the last education class (we were the first one in the class to do so). We had our home study interview a few weeks later only to sit on our hands for two months while our SW did nothing. I know it sounds like I am complaining. I guess it is because I am, but I honestly have no regrets. We chose our agency due to reputation, recommendations and ethics. We like that they are small and ethical. With that comes a little extra time. These SW don’t get paid much, their funding is low, and they operate off a list of priorities. I understand all that, it is just frustrating when I know people who decided 5 months ago that they wanted to adopt and they already are placed. I think about two years from now and it makes me heart race. I don’t know if I can wait that long.

After I was done being angry about how long this road has been already and how much longer we [may] have to go, I started to think about how EASY the road has been and how FAST it has gone by. Now, by EASY I don’t mean that there haven’t been any ups and down because any reader of my blog knows that I have had lots of those. But through those ups and downs I have had a great deal of support and encouragement. We have also been so darn busy that we haven’t had time to sit around and WAIT. So, I am very thankful for that. I am happy and excited and no matter how long this takes (well, to a certain extent, of course), it is going to have the ending (actually beginning, but you know what I mean) that I have always dreamed about.